I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
