There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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