Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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