I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
