I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
