i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
