I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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