So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
