I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
