where am i from again
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
