Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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