I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
