i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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