I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its liver damage thursday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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