Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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