DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
