Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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