I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
