I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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