Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my being single is dangerous.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
