At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've blown a few things in my day
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
