No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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