five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
