You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
