Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
