Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
