I can tuck mytits in my pants
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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