it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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