so that wasnt chicken after all
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
