FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone came in the potted fern
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
