The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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