he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
