I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
