I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
