I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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