Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
