I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
