Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
