their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
