You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
