you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
