Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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