White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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