mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
