pedialite and red bull = repair kit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
