he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
home. puking in laundry basket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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