how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
