I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
