He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this hospital has no fireball
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's get the cat blown out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
