I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
