its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
