We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
