woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
