the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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