I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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