Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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