If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
