conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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